How Long Should You Talk to Her/Him Before Dating?

In this article, I’ll discuss how long you should talk to someone before you start dating seriously in an effort to help you find that happy medium.

You’ve been seeing this person, I believe. You two get along, you’re close, and in the eyes of everyone else, you could as well be dating.

However, you are not yet — at least not formally. And you’re beginning to worry that if you wait a little while longer, they’ll elude you.

How Long Should You Wait?

Even though dating isn’t quite marriage, you should try to delay starting a relationship if at all possible.

Wait at least two months before making a relationship exclusive as a general rule. It’s not too late if you haven’t already noticed some of their undesirable traits, but it’s not too late if you both start to doubt one another’s motives.

Instead of just focusing on whether you can stand each other or not, you try to determine how compatible you are with spending the rest of your lives together when you date.

But the truth is, the answer to “how long you should wait” will be different with every person you meet.

There are many factors to take into account before choosing to date someone exclusively, which is the main cause of this. For some, you get this instant “click”, and for others it’s a slow burn.

How Long Should You Text before Calling?

When calls were the main form of communication ten to twenty years ago, making random calls was considered socially acceptable. But the most recent statistic reveals that 88% of people prefer texting to phone calls.

In what case, how long can you text? No single time period will be suitable for all couples. Others build interest and switch to calls after 1-2 weeks, while some prefer to start out quickly, within 1-3 days.

The benefits of starting early:

• It’s easier to build an emotional connection
• No one is waiting for a text response
• Easier to start spending time together
• Some people prefer calls over texting

The downside is that if you and your potential partner are not on the same page, calling out of the blue may come across as pushy.

In addition, some people simply dislike wasting time on the phone, particularly if they are overworked or live in a big city where they are unavailable at all times.

If you wait you might get such benefits:

• Safety: Scammers look for ways to get information, and asking for your phone number (so they can call you) could be one of those methods.
• Without feeling under any time constraints, you can learn more about your conversation partner.
• Without having to give any justification, you are free to change your mind.

There are some disadvantages, though, such as the possibility that if you text for an excessive amount of time, switching to phone calls may feel awkward because you’ve already formed a habit that may be difficult to break. Additionally, how quickly your relationship develops depends on the initial dynamic you set.

The general rule is that if you are ready for a committed relationship and want to proceed to actual dates, you should find a sweet spot between 1 and 7 days.

There is no right or wrong choice, so you should act on the basis of your own emotions and logic.

How Long Should You Talk to Someone before Dating IRL?

People frequently straddle the line between communicating on dating apps and going on a real-world first date. The more you put off going on actual dates, the more you worry about in-person interactions, even though communicating online on a dating site can be a lot of fun.

So to make the online site work to your advantage keep in mind:

• 1-3 days are enough to establish safety and go on a first date. Some people have great chemistry over text but are more like friends than lovers in person.
• Texting might bring more quantity of interactions, but it decreases the quality, so it’s better to start dating IRL when the two are prepared.
• Women predominantly become more emotionally invested in a relationship the longer they chat online, creating a disbalance of expectations for the first date.

Set up a date in a public setting where both of you feel at ease and trusted in order to avoid the disadvantages of delaying a face-to-face meeting. There is a good chance that the person you are talking to is talking to several other people or isn’t ready to be romantically involved with you if they try to avoid meeting in person.

10 Things to Keep in Mind When Figuring Out the Right Time

Time Isn’t the Best Metric

Even though two months is the suggested minimum before going exclusive, not every couple will find that to be sufficient.

Before becoming exclusive or treating a relationship seriously, some people may even need up to a year.

There are many causes for this, but the main one is frequently how willing you both are to be vulnerable with one another.

For instance, some people simply don’t trust easily, whether it’s as a result of having been wronged by a former partner or just having had a difficult upbringing. Others blindly trust at the drop of a hat.

You Should Genuinely Like Them

Sometimes, even when they aren’t exactly enjoying their time together, people will find reasons to justify it because they are so enamored with someone—or at least their perception of that person.

And it can be challenging to be completely honest with yourself about this, particularly if you genuinely like the person or find the idea of a relationship appealing.

You might, however, be able to find the solution with a little reflection.

Try to locate a moment and location where you can unwind and concentrate on your thoughts. And then think about how much you really enjoy being with them.Ask yourself if there are any “buts” in your interactions with them.

For example, if you ever think things like “I think them but they talk too much” then you might want to evaluate whether or not you actually enjoy your time with them.

If you enjoy their presence with conditions —with a “but”— then sooner or later those little “buts” are going to pile up.

Do you really think you’ll still like them ten years from now with all their “buts”?

Only time can tell, but there’s a bigger chance of relationship success if you can honestly say “Hell yes!” to this question before you even date officially.

You Have to Know What NOT to Talk About

You need to have a general idea of what topics you should keep out of conversation before you start serious dating someone.

Your opinions on hot-button political issues would be a good example. You should also be aware of certain jokes and slurs.

These things may be upsetting to some people for a variety of reasons. Furthermore, even though it isn’t strictly necessary, it’s beneficial to understand these motives in detail..

You can see this as an assessment of your compatibility with one another in this area.

Are you willing to stop yourself from saying certain things or refrain from talking about certain subjects in order to protect them from harm?

The opposite is also true in this case. Are you comfortable with the topics they prefer to discuss? Do they feel at ease with you forcing them to keep quiet about particular topics?

Before you start an exclusive relationship, it’s better to make sure this is resolved.

Nothing is worse than committing to someone exclusively only to discover during conversation that you are glaringly incompatible.

It’s Important to Check If You Have Chemistry

The fact that you have already met in person is crucial.

Text can be used to convey a lot of information. And it is true that many LDR members commit to one another for years before ever meeting.

But if you can avoid it, you’d prefer not to take that risk!

See, there’s a lot of chemistry that simply won’t surface unless you’re face to face, touching, smelling, and physically present with one another.

You must enjoy the way they look, sound, and feel.

No amount of video calls can ever truly replace in-person communication. Talking to some people in person is completely different from just talking to them through text messages and video calls because they are so expressive with their bodies, for example.

Much more difficult to fake than an online persona is body language.

When you actually meet, your dynamics can completely change.

You might have believed you were that compatible when you were still texting, only to discover you weren’t when you actually met them.

Your Values Should Be Compatible Enough

If your morals and values clash, dating that person will never work out.

You should at least be aware of their morals so you can decide if you can live with them.

You can try, but chances are that one of you—or even both of you—will have to compromise on your moral principles quickly or even deny that they exist in order to maintain your relationship despite the conflict.

And even then, there is a good chance that you will split up anyway; the greater the tension between your respective moralities, the greater the likelihood of this outcome.

Because of this, you should make an effort to comprehend their positions on the issues that are important to you and vice versa. Be prepared to end the conflict if it becomes too large and to make adjustments if it becomes manageable.

You better be aware of what you’re getting into before you start dating because it signals that you’re willing to make concessions and work on the relationship.

You Must Desire Each Other Like Crazy

It probably won’t get better a year from now, or even ten years from now, if you don’t feel strongly about each other at first.

When things are still brand-new—while you’re still getting to know each other and exploring—desire, lust, and attraction are typically at their peak. And as love gradually replaces it, it weakens over time.

It’s important to verify a man’s undying love for you and his desire to engage in sexual activity before you decide to go on a date. That’s a good way to ensure that you’ll have a good amount of “reserve” so you’ll still have some even if time has worn away your relationship.

Use This Time to Spot the Red Flags from Afar

Another reason it’s critical to take your time entering a committed relationship is to give yourself enough time to identify any red or yellow flags.

For instance, if they get upset when they receive criticism, if they tend to speak over other people or you, or if they tend to make a lot of assumptions, you might want to exercise caution.

Even worse, a lot of people mistakenly believe that some red flags are romantic. A possessive and jealous partner might be seen as “romantic” because it’s seen as “this person loves me so much that they’re possessive of me.”

Anything that raises a red or yellow flag shouldn’t be disregarded or even idealized.

In the event that you run into them, you ought to probably steer clear of dating them.

Don’t think that you can “fix” them, because you can’t.

Make Sure You’re Not Just a Rebound

You should absolutely avoid going exclusive and beginning a serious dating relationship if either of you recently ended a significant relationship. Due to the significant possibility that you may be entering a rebound relationship, this is necessary.

The best way to move on is to find something new because it is true that you can never truly stop loving someone. And that’s okay, provided you are confident in your recovery.

You enter a rebound relationship before your wounds from your previous breakup have completely healed. You might be seeking out people who remind you of your ex in order to use them as a stand-in because you’re still deeply in love with them.

Therefore, check your own well-being before paying attention to them. Do they frequently bring up their ex-partner? Do they still seem to be deeply in love with each other or even seem to be upset with their ex?

If so, they are most likely not prepared and you should keep being friends with them until they have fully moved on from their previous relationship.

Take Note of Their Behavior

Look closely at someone’s behavior before you formally date them.

Have they acted consistently and with respect?

Respect is among the most vital components of a relationship. And now that you’re getting to know each other but haven’t made an exclusive move, this is something you should learn.

Think about whether they’ve been playing mind games with you by being hot and cold, or if they’ve been love bombing you, or if they’ve been attempting to incite jealousy in you when they notice that you’re hanging out with other people.

Additionally, have they always treated you fairly or have they occasionally acted unreliablely?

Perhaps they would say that they respect your opinions, for example, but then you hear their friends making fun of “someone” who is suspiciously too much like you.

Respect is not something that you can just “deal with” after you’ve gone into an exclusive relationship. Before you even begin serious dating, there should be respect between the two of you.

A Friendship Should Have Blossomed

Most people dread the “friendzone”.

There’s a notion that says you can never be more than a friend once someone sees you in that light.

But this is harmful as well as wrong.

You should be more than just romantically involved if you’re going to date someone; you should also be able to count on one another as friends.

If you don’t see your partner as a friend at all, then chances are that you’ll become one of those people who would make a career out of hating their spouses and using them as the butt of “my wife’s a nag” and “my husband’s useless” jokes.

The happiest couples are those who share more than just a romantic attraction; they are also each other’s closest friends.

When they get older together, they still support one another, even if their sexual or romantic chemistry wanes.

Even if you don’t end up dating them, would you still want to hang out with them? You’ll get along well if you say “yes” to that question.

Finding the Right Timing

Although patience is a virtue, not everyone possesses it.

It’s crucial to remember that nothing in this article should be taken literally; rather, it should be regarded as advice.

Do you like taking chances and prefer to move quickly while your romance with that person is still smoldering and fiery?

Do you prefer to be on the safe side and give them time to prove their suitability before dating them? Do you favor slower, more subdued relationships?

Here are some possible scenarios:

If You Start Dating Right Away

You meet someone you like, and because you are so certain they are the one, you ask to begin a serious relationship with them.

Although most people would think you’re moving too quickly, he agreed, and you’re now exclusive.

Well done; it’s not like it doesn’t have benefits either. But the gamble is dangerous.

Pros:

• You don’t have to worry about them choosing to commit to someone else instead.
• Finding out new things about someone you love can be exciting, and your relationship will definitely not be sleepy as a result.
• Making your move early rather than delaying it will be necessary if you enjoy the company of passionate but impatient people.

Cons:

• There’s a good chance they’re not who you thought they were.
• If you don’t want things to go wrong, you’ll either have to fake your shared triggers or move quickly through them.
• There is a chance that they are lying to you in order to win your favor and that they are relying on your initial impressions.
• Even if it turns out that you weren’t really compatible, commitment has you in its grip.

If You Take Too Long

Maybe you take your time rather than rushing it. Whereas the majority would wait two months before dating, you chose to wait four or six. Maybe even a year!

Perhaps at first you didn’t even think of them as a date. Maybe you’ve known each other for a very long time before you started feeling things.

Pros:

• The biggest advantage is that you’re already likely to consider them to be a close friend by this point. They respect your limits and triggers because they are aware of them.
• They are more able to meet your emotional needs and are aware of what makes you happy.
• You’ll be familiar with and have gotten used to each other’s personality quirks.
• People who want to date you but lack the patience to get to know you as a person will have long since moved on.

Cons:

• It may be challenging to express your interest in them because they may have made the decision to only see you as a friend.
• It’s possible that by the time you take action, they will have decided to move on and be taken because they believe you are unavailable or simply uncooperative.
• You might find yourself single while your friends are already married or pregnant if you wait too long to start a relationship.
• Expect your relationship to be slow and sleepy since you will already be familiar with the majority of what there is to know about the other.

If You Find the Right Timing

The ultimate goal, of course, is to find the right balance between “too slow” and “too fast.”

As noted before, there’s no set time for “just right”—it differs from person to person and knowing when it’s the right time to strike is something you’ll have to learn through experience and intuition.

Pros:

• Even though you’ve learned enough about yourselves to realize that you won’t be fighting every day, there is still much for you to learn.
• You will only be left with those who genuinely care after those who aren’t serious about you or don’t have the patience to wait have moved on.
• Your deeper connections formed by secondary attraction will have largely replaced the shallow primary attraction’s effects.
• You can be yourself around one another because you trust and respect each other enough.

Cons:

• There is a slightly increased chance that the person you want to date will meet someone else in the interim.
• By this time, the novelty of getting to know someone new—the initial attraction—will have mostly worn off.
• If you’re the impatient type, you’ll get frustrated because it takes a while to get here.
• Similarly, even if the person you like otherwise qualifies as a good partner for you, they won’t last this long if they lack patience.

Does the Talking Stage Count as Dating?

In most cases, no. If we’re talking about conventional couples, wholesome relationships begin following an IRL “relationship talk.” A new romance is simple to get caught up in because it seems so exciting and fun.

But you need to put your rose-colored glasses away and gain an impartial viewpoint. If you didn’t talk about your relationship—romantic or otherwise—you are not a couple.

You aren’t necessarily in a relationship with someone just because you’ve gone on IRL dates with them. The unpalatable fact is that it DOESN’T count as dating if you didn’t have a conversation about relationship exclusivity and didn’t make things official. The common mistake made by singles is to text or meet up informally, which can go on for months without producing anything more.

What is Talking Vs Dating?

‘Talking‘ means that you are in the ‘talking stage‘ on social media platforms or other sites, you are just getting to know each other but haven’t gone on an actual date yet. And ‘dating‘ means that you have been going out but are not official yet.

Most couples are able to recognize these phases as their relationship progresses, but occasionally things move along so quickly that you aren’t even aware that you are waiting for a phase to change.

Conclusion

Being exclusive with someone requires a significant commitment, which is something to keep in mind. You’re announcing to one another that you will put your attention solely on each other while ignoring anyone else who may be in your path.

In light of this, you should try to ensure that you are generally compatible with one another before making a decision to avoid wasting either of your time.

The only real argument against waiting is that if you wait too long, they might move on and start dating someone else in your place. However, good things come to those who wait.

When in doubt, it helps to listen to your instincts and seek advice from a relationship coach.

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